Categorized | Commentary/Editorial

Kathleen Parker: Conservatives Don’t Like Mitt Because He’s Too Perfect, or Something; Updated: Jennifer Rubin Agrees With KP

This has to be the funniest thingI’ve read in a long time.  In fact, I can’t even think of anything to say I’m laughing so hard.  But that’s OK since this latest drivel from our old Palin-Deranged friend, Kathleen Parker, speaks for itself.  While you read, I’ll grab some paper towels and wipe up the Coke which spewed out of my mouth and onto my screen and keyboard, startling my kids.

Literature often reveals what life occludes, and the man with a limp provides clues to why people are so reluctant to support Mitt Romney despite his picture-perfect résumé of skills and accomplishments. We keep hearing that he’s “too perfect” and that so-called “ordinary Americans” can’t identify with him. Indeed, there is something vaguely unfamiliar about Romney.

Handsome, rich and successful, he is happily married to a beautiful wife, father to five strapping sons and grandfather to many. At the end of a long day of campaigning, his hair hasn’t moved. His shirt is still unwrinkled and neatly tucked into pressed jeans. He goes to bed the same way he woke up — sober, uncaffeinated, seamless and smiling in spite of the invectives hurled in his direction.

What’s wrong with this guy? Nada. Which is precisely the problem. Romney could use a limp.

To humanize him, helpful critics have suggested that he smile less during debates and try to show a little anger. Thanks to a new coach, he has become more aggressive and has begun punching back. Even so, audiences know instinctively that this is not the real Mitt. He’s just not that mad, and why should he be?

He has earned enough money never to have to work again. His investments produce multiples of millions in barely taxable income. When he looks in the mirror, he gets to rest his eyes on a relentlessly handsome face.

Heh! This, my friends, is what passes for journalism at the Washingtion Post.

Update: KP’s colleague at the Post, Jennifer Rubin, agrees:

None of this is to say there isn’t strong and valid opposition to Romney in the conservative press. (Michelle Malkin, who recently endorsed Santorum, and staunch critics of Romneycare certainly fit this description.) But it’s hard to ignore the conclusion that for some in the conservative press there is an element of anti-Romney animosity that is not quite grounded in reason or ideological consistency —  it is personal. And other than Romney’s being “handsome, rich and successful,” as Kathleen put it, it’s really hard to fathom where it comes from.

So, Jen allows, maybe there are a precious few conservatives who have legitimate reasons for opposing Romney (she mentions Michelle Malkin), but most of his opposition is baseless.  Conservatives’ stated reasons for opposing Romney (e.g. his incessant flip-flopping, Social Security demagoguery, and long history if liberal positions on such important issues as cap and trade, ethanol subsidies, government health care mandates, appointing liberal judges, and man-made global warming, to name but a few), are really just components of a complex smokescreen.  But Jen, sharp as a marble that she is, sees right through that subterfuge and recognizes it for the ruse that it is.  She knows the real reason conservatives oppose His Mittness: We’re jealous because he’s so "handsome, rich and successful." Jen and KP have more than the same employer in common, it would seem.

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  • Dagobomb

    Kathleen should consider a new career as a romance fantasy comic book writer.

  • nkthgreek

    C4P should post this warning:  Those with a weak bladder should not read the Kathleen Parker article on Romney.  

  • TexS2012

    Oh, that picture of Kathleen… she’s not wearing very well?!!? An updated picture of the real Kathleen!
    Not the picture you see in newspapers and such.  :(

  • ramorywebb

    The last sentence did it. And Parker gets paid for this !

  • Nancy6

    Why can’t she keep her love letters private?

    • conservativemama


    • ProudAmerican247

      "Why can’t she keep her love letters private?"

      A bigger question is…..

      Does KP’s husband know about her smothering love letter to Mitt?

      A bigger, bigger question is…

      Does Mitt’s wife, Ann, know about KP’s obsession with her husband?

      This could get ugly.

  • Nancy6

    Did she just recycle a post she wrote in 2008 about Obama and change the name?
    Pressed jeans?
    Vomit inducing.

  • Nancy6

    Kathleen is veering dangerously close to "glistening pectorals" territory.
    And, blech.

  • 01_Explorer_01

    Kathleen Parker hates Palin like no other reporter.  She is to the point of being unhinged.

  • Audrey_I

    Kathleen Parker, I have a question for you.  If Romney is so perfect, why will you be voting for Barack Hussein Obama? 

  • AmsterdamExpat

    Good lord. It’s enough to make one miss David Brooks drooling over the crease in O’s trousers.

  • IsraeliCojones

    But the question remains:

    Why does such a perfect guy who "has it all" and then some want to be President?

    Because he didn’t tell us.

    And no one has asked him by the way. Not even Parker.

    PS: What drivel. Not even funny. Sorry Doug :)

  • JamesColumbiaMo

    Who is Kathleen Parker?  Really…ask the average person on the street. Who cares what she thinks. She is only relevant in her own mind. 

    • Gary

      Well you know she’s very very very smart, she used "occludes" in the first sentence!!!  I was so impressed I could barely concentrate on the drivel that followed.

  • PhilipJames

    I hate to say it, but I think there is a female Chris Matthews….   Kathleen felt a trickle down her leg when she thought of Mitt.  Yikes.

    • MaMcGriz


  • Nancy6

    They really do think we are that shallow.
    We aren’t Obama voters, like them.
    Sorry ladies.

  • pipam12

    o gag me

  • Tammie

    She hates Palin because Palin is too perfect :-)  Parker is a plagiarizing, RINO, political hack who is desperately trying to keep her name in the public eye. Parker’s sense of reality is so skewed as evidenced by her insistence on using an ancient picture of herself tagged with her blatherings. Hey Parker! You’re an old RINO. Get a grip woman.

    • Freempg

      That just rolled off the tongue, Tammy. Nicely written. You girls taking down RINOs just cracks me up.

  • CharterOakie

    Oh…that’s right, "Parker" is her last name!

    I’ll be danged.  I had forgotten that again.  

    Oh, well.  Will probably forget it again.  Very forgettable name.

    • MaMcGriz

      No you won’t…..just remember it rhymes with SNARKER.

      snrk snrk snrk

      Obscene Snarker.

  • conservativemama

    Oh my, when I saw this today in my Washington Post I knew it was going to be fabulously horrific.  And it was.  I cannot believe this woman has a Pulitzer prize.  Honestly, those awards really are a joke.

    This article is so insipid, so vapid, so devoid of any intellect at all.  I loathe this type of woman.  She’s embarrassing to the gender.  She is the anti-Palin.  Whereas Palin is strong, independent, hard-working, a true equal to the men in her life, who justs goes out there and gets it done, Parker is a sniveling, cowardly, unremarkable elitist.  The woman adds nothing to the national conversation.  She is as consequential as my big toe…………on my left foot.

    I could care less what Romney looks like, but apparently it matters to Parker.  Makes sense.  You know that the fact that Sarah is beautiful, Todd is hot, and the children and grandchildren are beautiful drives Parker and all the other old white hags (Sawyer, Couric, Wallace, Mitchell, so many) insane.

    • Gary

      I think she’s working hard to define New New Feminism.  Looking for a teaching job at Columbia.  That’s why she used the word "occludes," it’s considered Plain English among her set, heard in conversation daily. 

      • conservativemama

        So funny.  You’re so right.

      • CrackerJacker

        Those educated folk with their big words… they’re so stupid!

        • Gary

          They are when they try to impress and have nothing.

  • onparade

    if trump endorses newt tomorrow morning thing are going to get interesting….maybe there is still hope for a conservative yet…

    • CrackerJacker

      Well, that didn’t happen…

  • independents4palin

    These RINO women are rubes. The more they defend him, the more we can’t trust him, they are not helping Romney at all by this Obama-like media love affair.

    • Gary

      I, for one, am thoroughly impressed that Romney has a Demeanor Adjustment Coach. "Mitt get angry! Mitt get mad!  Mitt’s the best boyfriend Kathleen ever had!"  This will surely do the trick.  However, I can’t help but wonder if, to close the deal, he might oughta find a Get a Clue Coach. 

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