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The Onion: Romneymania Sweeps America!





Here’s a little something to lighten the mood after yesterday’s $15.3 million victory by the forces of the status quo in Florida, via The Onion:

TAMPA, FL—From coast to coast, town to town, and in nearly every public meeting place and private residence across America, millions have been captivated, inspired, and in some cases moved to tears by presidential candidate Mitt Romney, the former Massachusetts governor who now finds himself campaigning before a nation in the throes of full-scale Romneymania.

"The raw energy and enthusiasm Mitt Romney stirs inside people is like nothing I’ve ever seen," Youngstown, OH auto mechanic Chris Ritenour said Wednesday. "Everything he says resonates with Americans. His moving story of growing up privileged, his inspiring rise from moderate wealth to overwhelming riches, his thrilling work in the highest echelons of corporate finance—he really speaks to the heart and mind of the common man."

"I don’t think there’s been a presidential candidate this exciting and magnetic in generations, if ever." Ritenour continued. "I am a Romneymaniac."

As Romneymania has grown, the Republican candidate has crossed over from political figure to cultural phenomenon. Countless reverent portraits of Romney have appeared in storefront windows and on building facades throughout the country, often accompanied by one of the candidate’s signature inspirational phrases, like "Let Detroit go bankrupt" or "Corporations are people, my friend."

[...]

As primary season continues, Americans from all walks of life tune in loyally to Romney’s stump speeches, with those in attendance so overwhelmed by the candidate’s rousing oratory skills that many pass out from the excitement.

While surveys show Romneymania has swept across almost every demographic, Romney’s appeal among the nation’s youth, in particular, is nearly unanimous. Many young Americans acknowledged they had felt disillusioned by politics until hearing Romney’s explanation of how his coordination of corporate funding for the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics renders him uniquely qualified to be president, an assertion they said immediately revived their faith in American democracy.

[...]

During a stop in Tampa, FL earlier this week, Romney was seen whipping a crowd of thousands into a delirious frenzy with his beloved, decade-old talking points about how he is not a career politician. The candidate reportedly inspired optimism and confidence by explaining he "never actually supported an individual mandate for health insurance at the federal level," a battle cry that prompted the audience to chant his name for five straight minutes.

In a moment his supporters called "genuine" and "down-to-earth," Romney then told the crowd that he, too, is currently unemployed and truly understands the fear of being laid off.

Read the whole piece here.

 

 



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  • WEL2

    How much did each vote for Romney cost, and how much did each vote for Gingrich cost?

  • carmtom13

    You got to be kidding!! Willard is not Governor Palin. He’s another telepromter reader and not a very good one either. The voting n Florida was down, so how did Willard inspire people to come out and vote?

    • wodiej

      absentee ballots. Lots of seniors who don’t use the internet that much. Hard telling where they get their news. Heard they’ve liked Romney since 08 so on to the next. 

    • pipam12

      a lot of voter fraud in the senior citizens homes too , they have no idea what they are doing and people go in and help them vote ??  ya right you mean vote for them and send it in for them , major problem here in CA

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carolyn-Dixon/100000062171632 Carolyn Dixon

       just read last night that romney and team "FIRED" his debate coach because he was getting more attention than mittens.  talk about thin skinned.

  • PCR1

    Like the man – H.L.Mencken – had said:

    "Nobody has ever gone broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people".

    Certainly not Mitt Willard Romney.

  • Jack_Franklin

    If this great piece was not so sarcastically sad, I could laugh. If the Divine does not intervene, our 40 years in the desert is not over.

  • wodiej

    lol

  • TommyFree

    I think it’s hilarious and disturbing that Newt – a former speaker of the house who’s spent most of his career in DC- is being branded the "outsider" while Romney- who’s never lived a day in DC or spent a moment in federal office- is considered the "insider." I’ve begun to realize just how ignorant and easily manipulated some of you are.

    • Guest

      Hey, very persuasive!  Insult the people you are trying to sell.
      nitwit

    • Infinite_Indeterminism

      One hint:

      "Insider" and "Outsider" are not geographical terms – nor are they decided by membership in Congress.
       

    • friskyness

      Then why is the ‘establishment’ supporting insider Romney?

  • John_Frank

    Hilarious but also extremely scary. Thank you Doug!

    Why scary? Because the Onion piece shows the deep flaws in Romney candidacy and yet Republicans continue to think he is the most electable?!?

  • TommyFree

    I think it’s hilarious and disturbing that Newt – a former speaker of the house who’s spent most of his career in DC- is being branded the "outsider" while Romney- who’s never lived a day in DC or spent a moment in federal office- is considered the "insider." I’ve begun to realize just how ignorant and easily manipulated some of these voters are.

    • AmsterdamExpat

      "Well, now that this site has officially switched from being a pro-Palin site to an anti-Romeny [sic] site, I will not be coming back." Said by you here two weeks ago. Really, you don’t flip-flop as quickly as your guy does; when you’re up to par we’d like to hear from you again.

      Until then: ——————————————————————————————–>

      • TommyFree

        Just seems kind of irresponsible to let ignorance flourish. FYI- I’m an ABO supporter, and really could care less who gets the nomination. Any of them would be better than what we have.

        • TexS2012

          Well, Lexie like you!  lol.

    • WEL2

      People who do not know Romney is the Republican Establishment (insider) candidate are smart?  LOL 

    • JennyNoles

      Ignorant is swapping one puppet (Obama) for another puppet (Mittens).   They both love power and being able to wield it but once they get the position fail to realize the power belongs to the puppetmasters who put them there. 

    • socon

      The entire RINO establishment is supporting Romney!  Of course he’s the insider.

      Unfortunately, I’ve known for a long time just how blind some republicans are, and I don’t find it funny at all–just pathetic.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6K6VEPRAR23STTROX3CH46EWDY Rich

    I guess you can buy elections…
    65 romney ads to 1 Newt ad + the complicit MSM
    Morons voted for obama…
    Morons voted for romney…
    We are screwed if this keeps up…
    I still think…enough voters were screwed by mccain…they will not vote again.
    The marxist will win…and the only solution will be…?

  • http://www.facebook.com/natewebb Nathan Webb

    The two people I know with emotionally outpouring supporters are Ron Paul and Obama.  No need to be jealous of them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1537873048 Nicole Olmstead Coulter

    We’ve had enough mania over politicians .. Mock Romney and Santorum all you want, but maybe we just need a boring candidate for a change. Mr. Exciting, Obama, sure hasn’t helped us out.

    • Guest

      I read similar statements over and over, usually by Romney and RINO types–all aimed at Sarah Palin, whose main sin is that she has charisma, and they don’t.

      • socon

        So true!

    • socon

      We ran a boring candidate in 2008–how did that work out for us?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1537873048 Nicole Olmstead Coulter

        McCain was not boring. He was incompetent.

        • Jack_Franklin

          Boringly incompetent!

        • socon

          McCain was boring and incompetent.  I remember the liberals laughing at him in 2008 as the old man running against the hip, young Obama.  Sarah was the only bright, vibrant element of his campaign.

          Face it–bloodless, democrat-lite, technocrat Romney’s got all the charisma of a dead fish.  He’s a terrible candidate and I will not vote for him.

          • TexS2012

            I wonder how long Willard will keep McCain on the stump? Not helping him much.

        • PCR1

          …and boring.

  • korn8131

    For what it’s worth;

    Words mean things, period. “I said I’m not concerned about the very poor that have a SAFETY NET, but if it has holes in it, I will repair them”, Mitt’s words not mine. It’s just one more example of why he isn’t,  never will be a Constitutional Conservative. Where in the constitution, does it state that it’s governments responsibly to take care of the poor? Again, we can not defeat progressive socialism with a RINO who would continue to support a government backed, Safety Net. He has just given us a good example of words that reflect his mind set. If you are willing to listen closely, it revealing, he supports continued government involvement in the great failed social experiment.

    A Tea Party Patriot

    • Jack_Franklin

      Hopefully, at least a few people have learned this lesson about words, Korn.  How can we forget Obama’s prophetic words just five days before the last election? …

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cqN4NIEtOY (10 sec clip says it all).

  • Infinite_Indeterminism

    One point about Disqus:

    I visited another site that used Disqus for comments, and that site had flag buttons available.

    Here they are absent.

    What’s up with that ?

    • John B. Hefmier

      We had a "Flag" button until a few weeks ago. Too many people were abusing it, flagging people who were not necessarily trolls, but people who simply had a different point of view from the reader. It resulted in the commenters having their work cut out. FWIW, I am among those who flagged a few people, in hindsight, who were not necessarily trolls.

  • patnatasha

    if romney is the nominee i will be voting for the dufus or writing sarah’s name in if they will allow us to write in a candidate.

    • jodreydb

      or maybe you can vote for roseanne barr she wants the green party nomination

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZU7KXWOOU5UER5KPW7CZTY3OAI Paul

    Romney the George Soros of the GOP. Watch the post on this site for an increase in the establishment line. Romney must have hired people from Media Matters. Romney=Soros=Obama.

  • misterlogic0013

    New to me…nothing surprises me these days..

  • VADMCollingwood

    Hi ho, hi ho, its off to work we go.  

    s/ The Committee to Elect Jeb Bush in 2016, K. Rove, Chairman. 

  • nkthgreek

    I know it’s satire, but what scares me is that some people believe it.

  • Freempg

    The photo of Romney with the Olympic torch is satire, albeit unintended. It looks like he’s pledging allegiance to Zeus.

  • jodreydb

    this is satire not serious commentary

  • patnatasha

    the establishment doesn’t care about winning the whitehouse.

  • alien4palin

    I agree!!! Excellent article!!! Unfortunately, too many people still
    base their choice on look, likability and glitters instead of substance.

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