Categorized | Commentary/Editorial

Dear Cher





Dear Cher,

Oh, Cher. Sweetie, darling. We need to talk. Woman to…whatever form you’ve now taken these days. I’m not going to get down in the gutter and comment on your appearance. That’s childish and lazy. I do feel obligated to remark that being over 50% plastic might run you afoul of certain EPA regulations and put your Sierra Club membership into question. I imagine that being "green" is something you greatly cherish, so your flesh to pharmaceutical ratio might need to be realigned. Again, I only comment upon this out of polite concern.

But I digress.

Ms. Cher, you seemed to have a gnat in your mint mojito regarding a one, Mrs. Sarah Palin. No idea what brought that about, but as I am one of your million plus followers on Twitter, I needn’t guess the actual cause of your consternation toward Mrs. Palin. On any given day, your tweets are posted not as if they were written by a human of minimal intelligence burdened like many of us with sausage fingers, but rather as if a young squirrel has drunkenly scurried back and forth over your iPad while careful to pass the CAPS LOCK key amid his to and fros.

Your tweets, ma’dam, are in a word: Bizarre.

 

 

ConfusedKristenWiig

 

 

 

RonSwansonNoAnswer

 

 

 

Hypocrite

 

 

 

IDon'tKnowWhatWe'reYellingAbout

 

 

 

Aubrey-Plaza-no

 

 

racist

 

There are plenty more of these little gems to pull from the Mountain of Cher, but you get the point. I follow your account less out of musical interest, but more out of sheer morbid amusement. I don’t think something like you could exist anywhere else but in the circus that is Hollywood. Much like the PT Barnum days, I gladly plunk down 2 cents to see the Fiji Mermaid even though I know it’s a fake. It’s just too crazy to pass up.

Ms. Cher, I have sympathy for your plight in trying to stay "hip" and "relevant" in a world of Miley Cyruses and Lady Gagas. Joints don’t bend the way they used to, and make up change after make up change probably pulls off a little more skin than you’d like. Time is hard on the old body, but cheer up, you’re not the first to experience it and won’t be the last. Embrace the drooping! Rawr! Gurl power! Or something like that. Forgive me, I’m an atheist in the Church of Our Feminist Angry Pants and I don’t rightly know your hymns.

I’m sorry that you find Mrs. Palin and your countrymen who differ from your beliefs to be so unpalatable. I’m sorry good taste and manners are equally unpalatable to you. Perhaps one day, good fashion sense will seek a path to your doorstep. In the meantime, try to get more sleep to avoid the "crankies" and kindly refrain from engaging the CAPS LOCK on your smart phone. No need to shout, sweetie, darling. Your clothes do all the talking for you.

SorryNotSorry

Regards,

M. McCormick

 



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  • hope4palins

    Wonderful wonderful snark Michelle, and she deserves every syllable. Talk about someone who really is irrelevant. When she judged DWTS I fast-forwarded through her comments because long ago I stopped caring what she thinks about anything, professionally or personally. I watched her singing performance only out of musical curiosity and to analyze the way she keeps up the illusion of youthful performer. Imo it really is all illusion, not only physically but also musically: Repeating a meaningless lyric and pleasant little musical line over and over within her very limited vocal range with a lot of clever work in her behalf by the folks running the sound board; a lot of backup vocals, instruments and a lot of dancers distracts the eye and the ear rather well. Like an aging athlete, professional sleight-of-hand is about all that’s left of her abilities, such as they were. We and she would be better off if she spent more of her time privately with her family and much, much less time (zero would be a good amount) trying to be publicly relevant. About anything.

    Thank you Michelle, as usual your posts and gifs make my day. God bless you..

  • TheresaAK

    You’ve outdone yourself Michelle….LOL…..enjoyed it immensely.

  • PAWatcher

    One nasty word to Sarah Palin gets Cher more attention than she has had in all her show biz career!
    Pitiful narcissist that she is, essentially a non gracefully aging narcissist, she craves attention whether it be good or bad attention- she and all other (including the liar in chief) narcissists can’t distinguish the difference in their self occupied minds. Poor Cher thinks she’s being bathed in the spotlight, not scathed in the spotlight.

    • OldPat

      Watcher, you really shouldn’t talk that way about Grandma’s favorite singer. LOL. Loved that line from CJr.

      • PAWatcher

        Chuck, Jr. did approach Cher as a gentleman. I loved his response, too.

  • indemind

    Michelle, Well there you go again "Being Awesome"…. ;-)))

  • sadlyso

    Wow, commas and capital letters in all the wrong places.

  • Founders_1791

    ——————–
    "…Some years I’m the coolest thing that ever happened, and then the next year everyone’s so over me, and I’m just so past my sell date. - Cher
    ——————–
    Cher is soo stupid she dropped out of High School at age 16!

    Cher……hold hag….butt ugly…..no influence….transgender children
    Sarah…..young……gorgeous…GOP rainmaker….5 great kids

    "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
    - Mark Twain

  • TSM_Admin

    Great! Like only Michelle can do!

  • http://twitter.com/#!/ThomasSSchmitz Thomas S Schmitz

    For years Ms. Cher has been lecturing America on tolerance. Did you know that she kicked her daughter out of the house for being a lesbian? Ironically Cher’s homeless (then) lesbian daughter was taken in by her step mother Republican Congresswoman Mary Bono Mack. Watch Chastity Bono (now Chaz Bono tell Joy Behar that Cher kicked her out of the house for being a lesbian) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ublaFENYN-0

  • socon

    Superb! You are the master, Michelle.

  • AmazedOne1

    Fabulous, Mich!!!

  • JubaDoobai!

    Michelle, you’re wasting your time snarking on Cher.

    First, you have clear and visible proof she’s a moron: she’s got two thoughts rattling around in that head of hers–fear of aging (Cher, you’re an old broad), and hatred of Republicans. She can’t accommodate any new thoughts cuz one of her two will have to come out.

    Second, you have no proof that Cher is an intelligent life form.

  • Janne Myrdal

    Yes yes and yes Michelle. Well said!!

  • section9

    I’m not sure that it was H. Rap Brown or Stokeley Charmichel who came up with this back in the Sixties, but in short, "burn, baby, burn…"

  • MarkRNY

    OMM–I stand figurative hat in hand in the presence of a true smack down–visuals included!

    But this is dangerous! Intelligent satire is hell on synthetic parts! Synthetic parts are of use only when they help restore or maintain a synthesis. Being 3/4s synthetic, Cher must have parts running amok all over the place now. It’s restore, recover and reassemble time in Cherville. Her various parts are probably being kept in a bucket until the mechanic gets there–Gypsies Bolts and Rivets!

    Way to go OMM.

  • sarahhasmyvote

    You know Cher, I really don’t care about your attempts at fighting the appearance of aging. I hope that young women who may admire you don’t feel they have to follow your extremes to be relevant though. That would be very sad.
    And to be fair, I add highlights, wear some make up, and try to stay attractive too. No harm, no foul when within reason imo.
    But on another matter, here’s the rub Cher. I was having my hair trimmed the other day and picked up a magazine I’d never heard of, Modern, I believe (no pun intended). And there was your picture with an interview. The comment that stood out in that interview was about how you tried to raise your children to be "kind" "respectful" and "compassionate" towards others.

    Could it be that deep down inside you hate on Sarah because she is the embodiment of those attributes and more that frankly, you are sorely lacking.

    No Cher, I believe you are a hypocritical, angry, leftist doing more harm by example to the upcoming generations, and have no clue what respectful to others means. Unless there’s something in it for you…….like an article in a magazine with comments you’d like people to believe about you. Saying it, doesn’t make it so.

    Hypocrisy is rampant in your world and you are one of most prolific contributors.

  • friskyness

    If Cher doesn’t know Sarah, then why criticize her? Idiot…………

  • AJ40

    Who was that guy in the moving visual, yelling I thought it was Hugh Hewitt at first (that piece of work)? But he’s blond.

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