Categorized | Commentary/Editorial

‘Shady Pines, Ma!’





Guest Submission by Ory Hebert

First let me give you the disclaimer:  While I think it goes without saying how grateful we all are for Senator McCain’s military service to our country, I’ll say it anyway.  The man is an American hero.  Anyone who’s ever heard his story can tell you that much.

But, by the Hammer of Thor!  Enough is enough.  This dude has taken every opportunity possible to pooh-pooh the grassroots conservative movement.  From the snarky wacko birds comment to his creepy new fangirling over President Obama.  And let’s get his attempted hobbit insult straight right now.  All of my nerds here know that he inadvertently gave our movement the greatest possible moniker we could hope for.  I don’t know if he missed that last scene in Return of the King or pretty much every other scene, but the hobbits are the heroes.  That’s kind of the whole point of the story.  So we thank you for your kindness!

This most recent McCain headline has got me going full on Linda Blair with the head spinning round and round.  Let me just lay the quote on you:  “…there are a number of members of Congress who have primaries and when those primaries are done, they may be more inclined to address the issue of comprehensive immigration reform.”  I love the naked disregard for the will of the people.  Naked as a newborn baby.  Naked as Miley Cyrus at a construction site.  He must be taking lessons on audacity from his new BFF because that is the most audacious statement I’ve heard in a while.  To have that little shame about openly admitting your desire to not only deliberately ignore the will of the people but to intentionally deceive them in order to win an election is so beyond redeemable to me that it’s hard to imagine that I once pulled the lever for this guy to be the Leader of the Free World.  That type of arrogance and ill will and disingenuousness from our alleged leaders is the very reason our movement exists in the first place.

Senator McCain also recently told a Phoenix radio show that he was “seriously thinking about maybe giving another opportunity for you to vote for or against me in a few years from now."  Aww thank you so much, guy!  But I think we’re gonna have to pass on that one for right now.

Now as for this one.  Get a load of what the bastion of common sense conservatism and beacon of hope for all underwhelming heiresses Meghan McCain had to say about Daddy. “We’re both frustrated with the idea that only the hyper-conservative wing of the party is going to represent the masses.”  Y’all, I can’t even…  I don’t even know what to say except “God bless.”  The conservative icon went on to say that Daddy is “so depressed. He is so downtrodden. The way he’s talking about it, how he’s never seen it this bad in his 30-plus years in office.”  I know, you guys.  I know.  Poor thing.  She’s trying so hard though.  She went on to muse that in order for Daddy to win, he would have to run “another dirty tea party election.”  I’m done.  I know all I need to know about the entire McCain bunch.

I have to wonder if the Senator has always thought this way or if he’s just reached that adorable point where older people no longer care about what people think of them and just submit wholeheartedly to unapologetic frankness.  In which case, I offer him a threatening “Shady Pines, Ma!”



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