Like a lot of people, I’ve been giggling/eye rolling at the marketing onslaught being directed at America’s youth like a squadron of flying monkeys spilling out of the Wicked Witch’s castle. THIS latest bombing run however, had me diving for a gas mask due to the amount of desperation wafting through the land:
Vote for your favorite reason (and GIF) to get covered
Next on deck: Tweet out all the fun ways you can pay your income taxes!
Essentially, the White House typed out 16 sentences of "duh" that wouldn’t impress Captain Obvious and added cat gifs to them. Conspicuously absent: any mention of "premiums" and "deductibles."
1) Nobody’s invincible
We need that sweet, sweet invincible blood to make this vampire fly.
2) It’s the smart thing to do
Buy crummy plans with high deductibles or save money and chug the NyQuil for the one yearly allergy attack? Hmmm
3) You never know when you’ll take a hard foul
or when the Administration changes the rules on you.
4) Health care should be a right, not a privilege
It’s not like they’ll ever FORCE Doctors to treat people, right? That’s like forcing people to buy a product…oh.
5) You might qualify for free or low-cost coverage
6) You only live once
Deduct 10pts from Slytherin for using "YOLO."
7) Checkups could save your life
Husbands everywhere: Still don’t care.
8) Injuries can lead to huge medical bills
Your body is the most expensive, complex and fragile machine you’ll ever own.
9) It will give your mom peace of mind
Especially since she’s paying the tab until your 26! Womp Womp
10) Insurance companies are accountable to you
11) No lifetime limits on coverage
"Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, you’ll never worry about losing your coverage when you need it most."
12) Insurance companies can’t discriminate
You’ll just be out of network. But that’s okay, 3 hour road trip!
13) Birth control is free
Nothing in this world is free except bad advice, children.
14) Because accidents happen
"Just one accident could mean huge medical bills that you can’t afford."
Wait, my deductible is how much?!
15) Being uninsured is scary
People who had plans cancelled last year: Yeah. We know.
16) It’s the Law. We think. Probably.